Scarf
by Fruipit
Summary: Elsa has a secret, but she's never been good at keeping them—at least, not where Anna is concerned. Elsanna, modern!AU, smut.
1. part the first: scarf

_Hi, all! I'm reposting this chapter because, simply, it's been almost completely rewritten and I managed to almost double the size of the first chapter. I **urge** all of you to reread it because I've added a lot of exposition and basically it means that **chapter two will make**** sense**. Thank you to everyone who has followed and favourite this (but I have no idea what you guys actually think of it so imma just keep doing what I'm doing, kay?)._

_One with the story (and again, this chapter is super important if you don't want the smut to be OOC ^^")_

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><p>A snowball shattered against her window, jolting Elsa's attention away from the words running together in her MS Word document. Three more balls followed in quick succession, and with a sigh, she approached the pane of glass. As expected, a mop of red hair—fashioned into twin braids—and a taunting grin shone up at her.<p>

Anna—for who else could it be but her perky classmate and neighbour?—gave a wave, and though Elsa hadn't checked the time, she knew it must have been late.

Finally, belatedly realising she hadn't given any sort of greeting, Elsa returned the action with one of her own, the movement jerky and short. Her stomach rolled uncomfortably, but she relished the feeling anyway.

She relished anything to do with Anna, and had for as long as she could remember. The mere thought of the girl set off fiery bubbles of warmth in her stomach and turned her normally pallid tone bright red.

Elsa couldn't trust herself around her best friend and she hated herself because of it.

Well... no, that wasn't strictly-speaking true. Elsa hated the power Anna held over her, especially because Anna didn't even realise. She was... oblivious like that. Each and every touch sent molten strings of pleasure through her veins that refused to dissipate for hours, and Elsa knew, when she began gravitating towards Anna, giving her excuses for skin-on-skin contact, that she had to stop. So, she began to back away, slowly so as not to alert the girl. It seemed to work for the most part, and Elsa both cursed and appreciated the girl's obliviousness when it did.

But, no matter her conflicted thoughts in that moment, Elsa knew she couldn't refuse. She had never refused before. Three months of distancing herself and if she was truly unlucky, it was about to go down the drain because of a smile and a midnight visit...

Biting her lip, she glanced over her shoulder. The landing light hadn't crept underneath her door at the noise of the snowballs, and she could still hear her father's light snores from further down the hallway. The inside of her cheek joined her lip, resting between her teeth, and she held up a finger to Anna. The smile was almost impossible to bite back as the girl fist-pumped silently, doing a small victory dance, but Elsa did it. It didn't matter that she had to draw blood in the process; she couldn't be allowed to think such things.

It wasn't so much that she had feelings for her best friend (for Elsa had long since accepted that fact). It was meeting and talking and laughing with her each morning after Elsa hadn't been able to get thoughts of Anna from her head, shame mixing potently with those little bubbles of happiness so all she felt was sick.

Only for it to repeat the next night with her hand stuffed down the front of her trousers and Anna's name in the forefront of her mind.

Elsa wanted to stay and watch until the redhead was done, her innocent display of fun exactly what the blonde needed to see, but the thought of her parents catching her sneaking out was enough to get her to move. Shevgrabbed her scarf and gloves as quickly as she could, knowing that she probably _wouldn't_ get into too much trouble—they liked the pubescent red-head just as much as Elsa did (well, not _quite_)—but it was still something Elsa didn't want to have to face.

And, Elsa thought, allowing herself the chance for a wry grin as she made her way down the stairs to the front room and snagging her snow boots from their place beside the door, moving also meant she could actually _be_ in Anna's presence instead of watching from afar. She pushed down every single thought that plagued her about Anna, good or bad, and chose to focus on the fact that she could just _exist_ with the girl. She could ignore everything else if she tried. Conceal it if she couldn't ignore it.

That, she knew, was a much better motivator.

It wasn't longer than three minutes since the first snowball before Elsa was crunching through the snow towards her freckled neighbour, arms wrapped around her waist in a small hug. Anna jumped excitedly in place, rosy pink nose illuminated by the sputtering streetlight that lit the distance between their two houses. This wasn't a radical occurrence; ever since she was little, Elsa would be dragged from her home in order to play with Anna. It was easy; their mothers had both joined the same play groups, they went to the same primary, and then secondary, schools, and grew up wandering in and out of each other's homes.

Anna had once called Elsa the sister she never had; a bittersweet memory that only served to hurt Elsa further as her mind and body grew resistant to her efforts to just forget her feelings.

"You realise how late it is," Elsa asked as she came to stop beside the fidgeting girl, lifting an eyebrow.

"Pfft," Anna sputtered, still dancing from foot to foot, waving off the blonde with a hand gesture. "You weren't asleep anyway. You never go to sleep before like, 2am anyway."

Elsa glanced at her feet when she realised that Anna was right. She refused to voice the idea that, had she been asleep, she would have come down to meet Anna anyway.

The duo stood in silence for a moment, Elsa her feet and Anna watching blonde kicked around a bit of snow, eyes flicking up to watch Anna and the way the red-head's breath condensed in the air. Her own breath did nothing of the sort, and watching her friend attempt to create breath-rings had always been a source of amusement for both girls.

"You wanna go to the fields?" Anna said after a moment, realising that there was too much silence and Elsa had finally looked at her. "I mean, you don't _have_ to, and obviously if you weren't sleeping, you were working, and it's probably important, but I figure that it snowed earlier so the fields probably have a really nice layer that we can use and um... yeah..."

Elsa had long since grown used to her friend's rambling—an occupational hazard when it came to spending time around Anna—and she loosed a smile at her.

"Sure."

She should have been expecting the grin that enveloped Anna's face (and, to a point, she was) but she still couldn't help the way she stiffened slightly as Anna leaned forward and grabbed her gloved hand, warmth seeping through the poly-cotton blend almost immediately.

Anna didn't notice. Anna never noticed.

It was the only thing that kept Elsa from wrenching her hand away, if she were honest with herself; that would _certainly_catch the red-head's attention. Why put herself in that position?

The walk to the fields was taken mostly in silence, and Elsa was loathe to break it. It was Anna who usually carried on conversation, with the blonde interjecting at appropriate intervals or offering her own opinion when needed. But that was okay—it was just their dynamic, she supposed.

Still, Elsa was finding it hard to focus on anything but the way Anna seemed to have moved even closer, their shoulders in constant contact. The fields were only a short walk away—they were, after all, simply a few different-sized soccer and football ovals that could be used by the community—but the walked seemed longer than ever to Elsa without Anna's voice to distract her. It was... strange.

No, it wasn't strange, it was weird and scary and Elsa didn't like it at all.

"You okay?"

Anna jolted with a start, surprised at being addressed—not that Elsa could really blame her. She didn't often take the initiative with conversation.

"M-me?" Anna stuttered, earning a soft giggle from the taller girl that refused to be bitten back. "Oh, I'm fine! More than fine, _better_ than fine. I'm fine-tastic- wait, no, _fantastic_. You know what else is fantastic? Snow. And snowmen, they're so gorgeous. Like you because you had the same colour skin and hair but not the same because you're real and warm and they're not-"

She cut herself off there, forcing her eyes to the floor in embarrassment. Growing to the same shade in the dark sky, her ears were lost in her hair—as were her freckles. Elsa's silent laughter petered out when she noticed Anna biting her lip, for the first time in many, _many_ years, embarrassed about her rambling.

She didn't know what to make of it, and that awful feeling had begun to surge through her body again at the sight of a blushing Anna. Thankfully, they arrived at the fields not long after, Anna releasing her hand as she bounced up and down on the balls of her feet. The whole area had remained untouched since the last snowfall, creating small banks of soft powder. It wasn't perfect snowman building snow—not by a long shot—but that didn't really matter.

Suddenly, Elsa felt something thud into her chest. She glanced down, momentarily surprised to find remnants of a snowball splattered across her front. It hadn't hurt at all, and when Anna tried again, Elsa couldn't help but grin.

She had been right—the snow truly was _terrible_. Any clump that Anna sent her way separated mid-air, spreading out and generally just rendering the projectile harmless. It was Anna's devastated look that finally sent Elsa over the edge and she began giggling in ernest.

The laughter petered out as Elsa formed a plan, her eyes narrowing as a grin slid from the side of her mouth. As soon as her eyes met Anna's, the disappointed pout on the red-head's face dripped into something more like horror, and suddenly she was running.

Elsa let out a bark of laughter and chased after her, scooping up a handful of snow and flinging it at the red-head. The powder was _terrible_, but it was worth it when Anna froze in her spot and began dancing around like a madman.

"Cold! Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold," she chattered, shaking her anorak as best she could to get out the bits of snow that had already begun to melt against her warm skin.

As soon as the thought crossed her mind, Elsa's laughter died down, and she let out a slow breath. She didn't need any runaway thoughts at the moment. She didn't _want_ them. They would grow and taint the good times she spent with her friend; at least when they came at home, the shame and disgust was limited to her bedroom.

Shaking her head in a valiant attempt to dislodge the thoughts that were very quickly going beyond the PG-rated confines of her mind, Elsa was completely unaware of Anna slowing her actions, creeping close with her own handful.

To say that coming back to her senses via a very evil-looking fifteen-year-old shoving snow down the front of her shirt would be an understatement. It was tantamount to a declaration of war, and after she had done her own little dance to clear her clothes of snow Elsa had no trouble once again picking up the chase, attempting to return the favour.

It helped, though, that the frigid snow was on par with taking a cold shower, and she was determined to keep a tighter hold on her senses.

They lost track of time, as they always did. The snowball fight gradually dwindled, running and throwing and shrieking in pure delight tiring them out faster due to the late hour. The fight turned into a snowman-building contest, though that was scrapped, as it always was, in favour of building a single snowman to share. It would probably fall apart if pushed by the slightest breeze, but Anna didn't care, and if Anna didn't care, neither did Elsa. Their clothes were slightly damp, and though Elsa wasn't feeling it, she noticed Anna shivering when they finally stopped, sitting beneath a tall spruce tree that flanked the different fields and admiring their handiwork.

"Here," she offered, unwrapping her scarf. Anna's eyes widened and she began to protest, only to be silenced as Elsa shuffled closer, placing the knitted material around her friend's neck. It wasn't until Anna looked up at her, eyes half-lidded, that Elsa realised how close they were.

"B-better?" she stuttered, backing off as quickly as she could while still hoping to maintain some semblance of normalcy. Her face heated up and she could only hope Anna thought it was because of the weather. If Anna noticed the hastened movements, she didn't say anything, instead bringing the end of the scarf up to her cheek to nuzzle into it.

"Much," she replied, smiling softly at Elsa. The blonde gulped softly, letting her hands wrap around her sides in a half-hug that echoed the one she had done earlier. That same sensation in her stomach came back with a vengeance, determined to crawl out of her chest like a facehugger, and when Anna's smile widened a fraction more, revealing a sliver of white enamel, Elsa found it almost impossible to quash down the entirely inappropriate thoughts that sprung up from it.

Elsa suddenly remembered precisely why she had been keeping her distance; her body couldn't cope with so much stress in one day. She'd go home and ignore her homework in favour of defiling every thought she'd ever had, every sweet memory of Anna, and afterwards she'd hate herself for committing such sickening acts, unable to hold back.

Nodding, Elsa skirted away from Anna as subtly as she could, taking deep, measured, _silent_ breaths in an attempt to get herself under control.

They sat in a silence that, to Elsa, felt as uncomfortable as a lumpy couch. Anna didn't seem to notice, though the blonde noted with a pang that her blind eye seemed to have infected her good ones. Elsa tried vainly to ignore the way Anna seemed drawn to her—the positive to her negative like poles on a magnet, but she couldn't help it when every cell in her body seemed to attune itself to the girl next to her. It was slow and surreptitious at first until suddenly they were bumping shoulders again and Elsa had completely lost her breath. To make matters worse, Anna lay her head down on the blonde's shoulder, letting out a slow yawn that brushed over Elsa's neck and made the girl shiver delightfully.

"Sure you're not cold?" Anna questioned as she felt the movement. Elsa swallowed stiffly, nodding.

"I'm sure," she said, voice barely louder than a whisper.

The silence overtook them once again, just as Anna's hand found Elsa's and began tracing patterns on the back of it. It was such an innocent gesture and yet it still set Elsa's heart ablaze.

"I lied. Earlier," Anna said suddenly, voice soft. She was hesitating, Elsa knew, but she wasn't sure why. She wasn't even sure what Anna _could_ have lied about. "I'm not fine. I just..." She let out another sigh, thumb rubbing circles over Elsa's gloved hand and successfully distracting the blonde from everything but the Moment.

"It's been so long since we last hung out," she began again. "I wasn't even sure if you'd come down to meet with me tonight."

Elsa let out a small sound in the back of her throat. She knew this already; she hadn't been the best friend the last few months, but... it shouldn't _really_ matter, should it? Just because Anna had claimed to be Elsa's 'BFF' all those years ago (and really, she never even gave Elsa a say in the matter—not that the blonde could find much fault with it) but that didn't mean she was Anna's best friend. The girl was on the cheer team and had so many other friends. Better friends, even. Friends that were _normal_ and _kind_ and friends that didn't get off to the thought of her—them—going so much further than 'friends'.

Elsa found herself incapable of replying. Because she knew that she'd have come down regardless, but if she spoke those words, they'd lose all meaning. Completely empty because she hadn't shown Anna that. Even in class she'd quietened down, avoiding Anna as best she could without outright ignoring her.

She knew she had hurt Anna.

But the girl wasn't holding it against her. It seemed impossible for her to stay mad for too long, and Elsa refused to let herself bite back the guilt that had crept through her chest. She deserved it.

"I'm sorry if I did something wrong..." Anna began, stopping when Elsa's fingers suddenly tightened around her own.

"_No_."

The word was soft, barely a breath of air through her tight lips, but the force behind it was sharp enough to cut through the air, and Anna flinched a little at the strength of it. "It's not your fault at all," Elsa continued, forcing herself to keep talking, to reassure Anna. "You didn't do anything wrong. I was just... busy..."

Anna let out a snort, but with her head still angled on Elsa's shoulder, the blonde wasn't able to see her expression at all. Silence fell again between them, but this time, Elsa wasn't sure it was comfortable. Belatedly, she realised that she hadn't released her grip on Anna's hands, and she all but jerked way when she finally noticed. The movement caused Anna to roll her head to look at Elsa in confusion. Elsa's breath caught in her throat when she realised how close Anna's face was to her own.

"Whatever," Anna said eventually, voice thick. It caught on something, but she angled her head away as she stood up, refusing to face Elsa. An ache settled in Elsa's chest, and she bit the inside of her cheek. Even when trying to protect Anna, she still only managed to hurt her. "It's late," Anna's voice filtered through the cold air, forcing Elsa's thoughts away from introspection. "Let's just go home." Without another word, she began walking away.

"Anna, wait!" Elsa scrambled to her feet and chased after the red-head who hadn't halted at all despite the plea. They had reached the footpath by the time Elsa caught up, Anna still refusing to stop or even face Elsa.

Suddenly, stupidly, Elsa was upset,and without even thinking about it, she reached out, wrapping her willowy fingers around a freckled wrist. The anger dissipated as Anna refused to look at her, and suddenly, Elsa felt very small. Her friend was hurting _because of her_ and she'd been to caught up feeling bad o worry about it.

"What's wrong, Anna?" she asked softly, swallowing thickly when Anna raised her head and finally turned to face the blonde.

"It doesn't matter," came the reply, even as the light from a lamp highlighted Anna's face, eyes red from something other than the chill wind. Even without it, Elsa knew Anna was lying.

"You're lying to me," she said, tightening her grip slightly. "What's really wrong?"

"I'm lying to you?" Anna repeated, eyes widening before she wrenched her hand from Elsa's grasp. "You're _hiding_something from me!"

The sudden outburst was met with complete silence. Elsa's mouth was open a fraction, her hands falling to hug herself at the waist. Anna's lips darted out to wet her lips, and Elsa was powerless to stop her eyes from being drawn to the action, unconsciously mimicking the action.

"Elsa, we were so close," Anna began again, and Elsa could hear the way she forced the words out around a lump in her throat. "We used to be... _buddies_. Friends. We used to tell each other everything and now you're hiding something from me. What did I do to you to make you not want to share something important with me?"

She was begging—pleading—but it fell on deaf ears because Elsa _couldn't_ tell her. It wasn't an option. It was better to have Anna angry at her than hating her, and that was precisely what would happen.

How could she tell the girl who had called her a sister that she was having decidedly un-sisterly thoughts about the two of them, together, doing decidedly un-sisterly things? She couldn't, and so the question was again met with stony silence even as Elsa shut her mouth and began chewing on her bottom lip.

"You want to know what's wrong?" Anna said again after several heartbeats, sniffling. "I'm tired. I'm tired of you keeping secrets because... because you don't think I can keep them or take them or whatever. You're my _best friend_, Els."

She took a breath as she looked up, making sure that their eyes met before she continued. "You know everything about me but I can't know what's bothering you?" The final few words were said so softly, so warmly and gently, that Elsa couldn't help but crumble, tearing her eyes away from Anna's because she knew she'd never see the same feelings echoed there.

Looking away, Elsa didn't notice when Anna stepped forward, approaching Elsa until their chests lmost touched. "Elsa," she said, taking the blonde's gloved hand in her own, "I don't know what you think I'm going to do, but I won't do it- unless it's good. I'll do it if it's good, but otherwise- Elsa, we can work whatever it is out together, and I'll be right here to help."

Elsa's bottom lip quivered for a moment, her hands clenching around Anna's. Her jaw tightened, but before she could do anything—step forward or back, fight or flight—Anna had enveloped her in a tight hug and all Elsa want to do was cry. She wasn't thinking of their touching chests, smushed together by the force of Anna's hug. She wasn't thinking of the way the other girl seemed to use her entire body for the hug—even her head joining the fight as it nestled next to Elsa's.

"I don't- I don't want you to hate me," Elsa whispered against Anna's jumper, bringing her hands up to rest softly on the red-head's back. Anna had begun to rub circles into her back, the pressure soothing her.

"I could never hate you, Elsa," Anna replied. "I love you."

And that was probably what hurt Elsa the most. She let out a small snort, nose still buried in the crook of Anna's neck. The closeness had leant her confidence but lulled her with security—false, she knew, but she only truly realised afterwards. "Yeah, like a _sister_."

Anna's hand stilled its movements, and it took Elsa a few moments to realise why. Because, she had spoken aloud. And not only had Anna heard her, but she had heard the meaning behind it; the disdain _drowning_ the final word.

Horrified, Elsa wrenched herself away, body shaking as wide eyes aligned with Anna's. The red-head's mouth was hanging open and she seemed at a loss. Elsa had no idea what was going through her mind but it didn't matter.

She didn't say anything as she backed off even further, seeing the truth written in the red-head's teal orbs.

She didn't stop running even as she heard Anna calling after her; it was only when she was safely entombed in her blankets, front door bolted and curtains shut tight, that she let herself cry.

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><p><em>I wanted to write fluffy smut and, obviously, it didn't work. However, the next chapter will definitely be happier. And yes, I realise how common these types of stories are but whatever. This was also done, in part, to push me over the NaNoWriMo 50k mark (which it did). No idea when I'll write the next bit because I'm currently working on the next chapter of 'Tiny <em>Hearts_', plus part 2 of '_Språket_'. Just... this will be finished, and will hopefully include smut at one point. We'll see._

_Also, I've only seen snow once in my entire life and that was a very long time ago. And only for about 4 hours. I'm sorry if I got snow wrong o.o_


	2. part the second: sheets

_I was supposed to finish the next chapter of Tiny Hearts but this story was calling to me (though I am sort of finished the next chapter. it's just being painful)(also I got a new job so I've been working). This, though, is going to be longer than the original two-chapters. Enjoy!_

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><p>Elsa refused to see Anna at all over the next two weeks. She went out of her way to avoid the red-head at all costs, making sure to get to school early so she could hide in the back of the room and leave late, spending a good hour in the library when the day was done until she was kicked out.<p>

And, the worst part was... it was easy.

Anna didn't approach her. She didn't send furtive looks, or tentative text messages. Elsa wondered if she even had a right to be upset about it when she knew this was what would happen. She knew the girl wouldn't want to be her friend anymore because how could they even think about going back to the easy friendship of before? There would always be that lingering memory, the admission. The fact that they weren't _sisters_, in any sense of that word, because _Elsa_ had thrown that away.

She had, and still was, throwing that away, because she herself didn't change. If she could only... get rid of these feelings, they could be friends again. But no matter how she refused her mind, prohibited it from thinking of Anna during the day, she had no control over her dreams.

They woke Elsa up in the middle of the night, head still streaming with images of Anna's eyes half-lidded and shining with the same arousal Elsa knew was in her own. She would lean close, their bodies pressed flush against each other as she marked Elsa and let herself be marked.

But, in all those dreams, she never once smiled at Elsa. Even as she ground down on Anna's thigh, not an ounce of space between them, the red-head was but a doll. A doll with warmth and breath and a heartbeat but still unmoving and unfeeling to Elsa's plight.

So, not only did Elsa have to contend with the shame and guilt that threatened to consume her upon waking, she now had to deal with the grief that Anna would never let herself be hugged by the blonde again, would never forgive her or even _want_ to see her if Elsa tried. She couldn't bear the rejection.

They only had another week of school before the holidays, and Elsa was both thankful for and dreading the break. It meant that she could stay in her room—not have to see the girl—but she knew that come Christmas day, there would be no escaping her. She just had to survive until then, and she had every intention of trying to survive afterwards, too—if she were able to pick up the pieces that would undoubtedly be left of her heart.

As per the norm, though, Anna had other plans, and it was the Thursday night before the break that Elsa was finally faced with them.

It was late—her parents had retired hours ago—and yet Elsa had been unable to find any sort of respite. Christmas was looming and her nights were slowly getting shorter and shorter as she fought to think up an excuse to stay in her room that would fly with her parents. Her poetry essay was due the next day and yet despite the long hours she had put into it, she still didn't understand it at all. It worked as a temporary distraction, nothing more.

Because through it all, there was a dull throb between her legs that refused to be sated, no matter how often or long she tended to it.

Elsa tried to ignore it, surprised at her own success. Sometimes, she just imagined building a snowman with Anna; heir friendship before she fucked everything up. She realised, in those moments, with a clarity far superseding what she wanted, that it wasn't Anna's body or warmth she wanted; it was her smile. It was her laugh and hugs and her spirit.

It wasn't Anna's body, and that made it so, _so_ much worse.

Still, with a little thought and definitely some distractions, Elsa was able to ignore the urges. Once, when it became too much, she'd tried thinking of other things; it had worked fine until she came, the thoughts and images of celebrity crushes and other bodies pressed against her disappearing as she hummed Anna's name into the darkness, hips rolling to a nameless tune as she clenched sporadically around herself.

She didn't try that again, the knowledge that there was no way of stopping Anna from infecting her thoughts perhaps more disheartening than anything else that had happened.

How could she get over the girl?

Thus, she forced herself into her schoolwork, the end of semester exams filling up her head. A math test and the stupid report on _The Hollow Men_, due just before the holidays; good, in some regards, but no one wanted to be stuck at school with their impending break so close.

She was reading over the poem for the umpteenth time, trying to make sense of the third stanza, when a snowball shattered against her window. Aside from jerking her out of what little concentration she had, it was easily ignored—as were the five, seven, twelve snowballs that followed. Her phone lit up with a buzz, displaying Anna's name (and the little heart that Elsa hadn't been able to convince herself to remove). It made the blonde sick, and she threw the offending item in her sock draw, the light and vibrations disappearing from the room.

The suddenly silence was unnerving, until it was broken by something else smashing against the window. Elsa looked up in time to see half a hydrangea bush colliding with her window before falling to the icy ground below.

She realised too late that she had appeared at the window, in full sight of Anna, to watch the plant fall. The red-head glared up at her—there was no gleeful dance or smile. Her eyes were hard as they stared into Elsa's, and she held her phone up. The blonde swallowed thickly, knowing what Anna wanted. Giving a tilt of her head in acknowledgement, Elsa disappeared from the window to collect her phone.

She could have sobbed, whether fear or pure relief, at Anna's voice. She wasn't prepared for the words the red-head spouted, though.

"Get your ass down here now, Elsa."

Anna hung up not a second later, and Elsa _knew_ that she would stay outside all night if she had to until the blonde made an appearance.

She buried her head her hands, not prepared to see Anna.

_Why_ couldn't she have just kept her big, fat mouth shut? She didn't have to say anything! They could be how they were if only she hadn't voiced that thought.

Because Elsa knew that Anna just... made life better. It didn't matter what _she_ was to the red-head, as long as Anna was still in her life.

She didn't notice when she began quivering, shaking violently as she sunk onto her desk chair. Her phone lit up again with a message that Elsa didn't need to read to know what it contained, and she quickly brushed away the water that had collected at the corners of her eyes.

It took a lot longer to get her things together that time, a mix of unwillingness and fatigue slowing down her movements. She had no idea what Anna would say, but she wanted to put it off for as long as possible.

Finally, she was striding weakly across the frost-covered lawn, head bent low and gloved hands shoved deep into her pockets. Anna was waiting near the gaudy Santa and reindeer display that Elsa's parents had set up earlier that week, tapping her foot impatiently. She had been leaning on one of the reindeer, but straightened as she noticed Elsa's approach.

Elsa stopped a good five yards away, watching Anna warily from the corner of her eye, though her head was still facing the ground. The other girl gave nothing away, whether she was going through the same internal crisis as the blonde. Elsa wanted to run and greet Anna, pull her into a hug and never let go...

... but she didn't want her to run away, and that was seeming more and more likely to Elsa's stressed mind.

"Hey," she instead murmured to the snow, licking her lips as she finally got close enough to be heard.

"H-hey _me_?" Anna repeated, incredulous. Elsa's eyes flickered upwards to Anna's face to find the same tone echoed in her eyes. "Fuck, Elsa," she cried. "It's been fucking _two weeks_ and all I get is a 'hey'? I gave you our space. I gave you time to sort out whatever shit is going through your head and all I get is a 'hey'?"

Elsa visibly flinched—she didn't see Anna's expression soften as she looked away again, unable to meet the red-head's gaze any longer.

Elsa began chewing on her bottom lip, and she hunched her shoulders even more as she tried to make herself smaller. She was taller than Anna, and older by six months or so, but Anna had a way of making her feel younger, smaller. It had never been a bad thing before. It had been... nice, with Anna. Not worrying about schoolwork, getting up to mischief. Acting like a kid again.

And Elsa had lost that. She knew she had.

The silence had settled between them again, and this time, no one made a move to break it. Elsa felt herself being scrutinised, but she couldn't work up the courage to look at Anna.

She wanted to cry.

"What did I ever do to you?" Anna asked quietly. Her voice cut through the still air regardless, and Elsa was reminded that it was after midnight. "Why are you pushing me away?"

"Stop, Anna."

Elsa's voice was horribly small and weak, and Anna ignored her easily. The blonde felt sick, and she knew just how pathetic it was that a single hug from Anna could cure it. Anna could make her feel better no matter what, and yet here they were, Elsa doing everything to not face this rejection and Anna still handing it out anyway. Couldn't she see that Elsa had left her alone to save what little friendship they had left?

"No! Why are you shutting me out?" The blonde shook her head at the words, but it only seemed to infuriate Anna more.

"Elsa-!"

"Enough, Anna!"

Elsa's gaze was still centred on the floor–she had completely failed to notice Anna's hands, clenched into fists at her sides, trembling. She didn't see the tears that finally dripped to the ground until Anna marched forward and, without preamble, shoved Elsa back.

"Stop it! Stop _lying_ to me!"

Elsa scrambled to her feet, walking backwards as Anna stepped forward. The aim was to put distance between them, but both knew that Elsa's heart wasn't truly trying to get away; her movements were too small, too hesitant.

And then whatever distance between them was gone as Anna took a step too close and Elsa didn't step back far enough, and suddenly she couldn't move anyway because Anna was _right there_. Impossibly close but, to the blonde, not close enough.

It was a knife in her heart and she almost fell to her knees, the organ bleeding more pain and hurt and disgust.

Elsa didn't realise when Anna pushed her back further until she was resting up against the side of her house. Her hair stuck to the clay bricks that pressed against her jumper but she barely noticed because Anna hadn't broken eye contact once, and Elsa could't bring herself to do it first. She felt weak and lightheaded and barely heard it when Anna whispered her name.

She was too enamoured with those pink lips, looking so soft and warm and silken.

Elsa started when Anna's hands gently wrapped around her wrists, and she jerked her gaze away from her friend's face. She could imagine the disappointment in Anna's eyes as she once again failed to completely hide her feelings away. Everything was so fucked up.

But when Anna tightened her grip, Elsa's first reaction was to glance up, and when she met those teal orbs, she found she couldn't look away. Her breath caught in her through, and with so many failures to keep her emotions in check, Elsa could _feel_ the way her mental dam was cracking. She needed to get out of there. She needed a cold shower and she needed to try to forget everything because living like this was too painful.

But she still couldn't tear her eyes away.

Elsa was barely away of the distance between them—if it could even be called as such. She had nowhere else to back up to, but Anna had kept coming. There was no space between them now, and Elsa couldn't hold back the tremble as she felt Anna's chest meet hers, nor the tear that feel soon after because who _does_ that? Who has thoughts like that?

She felt one of Anna's hands loosen its grip on her wrist, and she was barely able to bring up the freed limb in time to stop Anna from... doing whatever she had planned. The red-head's hand was caught in Elsa's, hovering in the space between them, and it dawned on the blonde that Anna had reached out to... to wipe away the tear that had begun making its way down her face.

"D-Don't," she breathed, voice scratchy. _Gods_ Anna was so close. It was like Elsa was suddenly aware of _everything_; the stillness of the air, the warmth of Anna pressing against her that only fuelled the volcanic samba taking place in her stomach, heat spreading nowhere but down to just pool below her navel.

"Why?" the red-head challenged. Without any warning, she dragged Elsa's other hand up and next to her head. The rough brick grazed along the skin but it was nothing more than a minor flesh wound—it probably wasn't even bleeding.

It wasn't enough to curb the desire that had sunk its teeth into Elsa's body, making the blonde terrified to move because that would cause friction, and that would destroy the little hold she had left over herself.

And then, Anna leaned closer.

Elsa gave it her best shot, trying to to show how it affected her, but the way Anna's eyes flickered down between them, she knew she failed immensely. Anna's eyes widened, but it wasn't in the shock or disgust Elsa had imagined. There was a light dancing around her irises that seemed so familiar, and it was only when Anna used her trapped hand, and the hand holding Elsa's, to flip them that the blonde realised why.

Because suddenly it was _Anna_ pressed up against the wall, pulling Elsa close.

"Why?" she repeated, voice softer but still no less challenging. Elsa's mind was shouting, _screaming_ at her to get out, but a whisper of a breath from Anna drowned out that cry, and suddenly, Elsa couldn't think at all. Everything she had ever wanted was right in front of her

Anna's eyes were so _open_. So warm and inviting. Elsa could get lost in them forever, and she wasn't even aware of herself leaning in until Anna's eyes shut, and by then, it was too late to do anything.

Elsa's own eyes swiftly followed suit because she couldn't do anything but but drink in the heat and sensation of _Anna_ as their lips pressed together in a chaste peck, lingering together as Anna's hands cupped her face and Elsa's slipped down to nestle at the red-head's waist.

Her lips tasted like cherries, and Elsa couldn't help but draw the bottom one into her mouth as she moved, deepening the contact ever-so-slightly. Her stomach was ablaze, the sensation dripping into her core and setting her entire body alight as she filled her senses with Anna's aroma and taste, and the feel of her skin, silken beneath the pink tinge and freckles.

Anna made a soft, muffled noise that Elsa had no idea how to take, and suddenly there was distance between them as Elsa flung herself back, arms coming to wrap around herself and a lump in her throat that stifled any attempt to breath, let alone talk. Her face was hot from Anna's hands, but her chest was cold and empty. It was probably only the burning at her centre that prevented hypothermia.

The silence was deadly; Elsa didn't know when she began to shake, but once she started, she couldn't stop.

"Elsa..." Anna began softly, reaching out a hand. Her eyes were wide again, the playfulness gone. Elsa had no idea what to do, or what had happened. How?

She shook her head, taking a step back. When finally she turned her face up to her friend, it was impossible for Anna to see anything but the wetness that had run over her pink cheeks and the way her eyes seemed so deep, and so lost.

"Oh, God," Elsa breathed, choking thickly. "I-I'm sorry," she whispered, shuddering slightly with the force of a suppressed sob. She took another step back, but she didn't make it far when once again, she found herself pressed up against Anna.

The other girl had leapt forward, wrapping Elsa in a strong hug—the kind of one that she was given as a child when her goldfish died, or after her first day of school and a mean boy had teased her pale skin and even paler hair.

It was the kind of hug that was so tight it stung, but it was perfect all the same because it wasn't just Elsa trying to hold herself together; Anna was their to keep her from falling apart. It was the kind of hug that said she cared, that anchored Elsa to the world before she lost herself completely. Without even meaning to, she found herself responding, leaning into it as her hands reached up, desperate, pulling Anna even closer as though it might stave off the pressure building behind her eyes.

It didn't work. Not when Elsa had been trying _so_ hard for _so_ long to be strong. To her credit, Anna didn't react when the dam broke and Elsa was nothing more than a quivering messing, sobbing unconsolably, brokenly, on her shoulder. Anna's hand reached up and began slowly petting the back of the blonde's head as she made gentle cooing noises, offering small words of comfort.

"Shh, it's okay, Elsa," Anna whispered. "Don't be sorry. It's okay."

There was something decidedly wrong with the whole situation. Even through the broken sobs Elsa could feel the bite of arousal, still lapping through her like a shallow stream.

"I'm such a fuck up," she choked, holding Anna ever tighter. To her shock, the girl let out a small laugh.

"Because you kissed me?" she asked, pulling Elsa's face up so they could make eye contact. The small smile she had on her face fell when Elsa flinched. Anna pursed her lips before leaning forward.

This kiss was over before it even registered to Elsa, and she looked to the red-head, face slack. Anna was smiling again, showing flashes of bright enamel.

"Now we're even," she said, pulling Elsa into a tight hug again. "You're still my best friend, Elsa. I'll always be here for you because I love you and nothing can ever change that, okay?"

Elsa didn't answer, and they stood there in silence, embracing, until the chill seeped through their clothes. Anna had no idea how Elsa wasn't shaking in the cold. They finally parted, Elsa wiping furiously at her face.

Elsa felt like she should say something, but the words kept dying in her throat. She didn't want to spoil the moment. She wasn't even sure that she _could_ say something intelligible, not with the burning between her legs that refused to die down, even in the freezing snow, and the memories—_plural_—of kissing and being kissed by Anna.

"I still have your scarf," Anna said suddenly, breaking the silence that had begun to creep on the side of awkward. "I'll uh, return it on um... Christmas?" she offered, smiling. Elsa nodded at her, still staring dumbly. Her hands were back at her waist, and it occurred to Anna that her friend was going through some kind of shock. Without really thinking about it, she leaned forward one more time, placing her lips on Elsa's cold cheek, just as they used to do as children. "I'll see you later," she said, never letting the soft smile fall from her face.

Without another word, she turned and stumbled through the snow to her own house, leaving Elsa standing in the middle of her yard. It took a few moments for the blonde to compose herself—to pick herself up and move back to her own room. She left snowy footprints through the house that her parents would definitely question the next day, but when her heart refused to slow down the foxtrot it had begun dancing and the heat bubbled joyously in her abdomen, she couldn't find a care to give. Who cared about snow when she had just kissed Anna? And Anna had just kissed her back!

For the first time in so many weeks, Elsa found herself giggling, for no reason at all except she felt like it. She felt _happy_. Ripping off the heavy winter coat, she all but jumped onto her bed in delight. She felt five again, not fifteen, and there was nothing in the world that could drag her down from her emotional high.

Lying there, though, she became intensely aware of the burning between her legs, of how long it had sat there, untended, until it was a wildfire raging out of control.

Elsa let her hands wander up and underneath her shirt, imagining, not for the first time, that it was Anna touching her, marking her. The guilt and shame that usually accompanied her explorations never came, and this was almost a bigger relief than the actual act.

Her mind was allowing her to pleasure herself while dragging up every memory she'd ever had of Anna, untainted and blissful.

Elsa was hardly paying attention, letting her hands wander where they may as her mind zeroed in on Anna, flaming hair and milky teeth that were _smiling_ as she looked down at Elsa, the blonde prostrate beneath her. Her blinds were half-shut, even in her mind's eye, and Elsa could see the rays of light from the fluorescent street-lamps falling across Anna, illuminating the side of her breasts and the peaks of her nipples, reaching out for attention. Anna smiled again, biting a gorgeous lip as she leaned forward, bringing their chests together to touch.

Elsa let out a strangled choke, caught between staying silent and not waking up her parents, and releasing _something_. It was warm and nameless, building in her chest and at her centre until she could barely breath, gasping in time with the gentle gyrations of her hips as her fingers dragged up and down in quick, precise movements.

It didn't take long for the actions to become ever more fervent, and she hissed Anna's name to the darkened room, recalling the sweet flavour of cherries and soft expanse of freckled skin. A few more seconds had Elsa tumbling over the precipice of pleasure, and she cinched her eyes shut further.

For a second, she felt Anna's lips on hers again, and she smiled. Her hips jerked every few seconds or so, calming down slowly as she wiped her hand on the sheet. Elsa didn't bother cleaning up further; everything else could wait. Body satiated, her mind was calling her to sleep, and with a smile that hadn't dropped and pleasant memories—_memories_—filling up her head, she was happy to heed it, dropping her head to her pillow and nuzzling in deeply.

She was... happy. Anna had made her happier than she could remember feeling in a long time, and she never wanted it to go awayShe was... happy. Anna had made her happier than she could remember feeling in a long time, and she let the feeling fill her up as she slowly nodded off to sleep.

* * *

><p><em>Um... if it wasn't obvious, I've never really written any type of smut. I sent Emirael an ask on tumblr about masturbation and I think she helped, but really, any pointers is awesome because yeah...<em>

_also, I post updates about my story-writing and stuff on there, so if you're curious about upcoming things (or chapters about things) I tend to keep people in the loop there (also, you can ask me things/request stories. all that jazz). You can find me there at the same URL (so, 'Fruipit'). Anyway, thanks for reading!_


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